dear soul,
at this point you probably know how my brain works and that i go pretty fast from one topic to another. so, this entry is about flips flops but also about my final month with my personal trainer ceci. just as the flip flops sound we go through phases, which reminded me of ups and downs, which reminded me of the inhale and exhale of breath, which reminded me of the mood swings in my menstrual cycle, which reminded me of my motivation to train and yeah, here we are. i want to get one thing straight from the beginning: it’s a blessing to experience phases and they are an invitation to be kind to yourself and others. so this entry is about evaluation and not complaining.
what looks like a hit or a flop is nothing else than change. and change is not only inevitable it’s also a beautiful thing - it’s what keeps us alive and creates progress. a super important part of this evolution and progress is rest. what rest has to do with failure? nothing but in my head that was basically the same. whenever i felt like resting i had to negotiate whether or not i deserve it. when i couldn’t do anything else but rest due to sickness i had a lot of shame and guilt - not only about resting but also not seeing it coming.
i had to understand that rest that is an important part of the go-time. i had to learn to rest (and yes, i know this sounds ridiculous even for me when i write this down). the math was matching in my head but i didn’t embody it up until i started training with ceci and her telling me to rest more between sets. what was one voice note from her built up a whole tower moment within me: when i pause between sets for at least 2 minutes (the set itself was maybe a 1 long) my performance in each set got better. what was a very mental concept to me turned into a very tangible experience and… made f*ing sense not only in training but also how i handle work now. and no, i don’t mean active breaks that are just a another frame for still working. i mean neutral time, i mean being and not doing anything, not even listening to music or solfeggio frequencies (in the gym i still listen to music during the neutral time though). before we go deeper in rewriting the narrative about failing of course this newsletter includes all of my favourite flip-flops in various price ranges:
in our society failure is considered something to be avoided and preferably not talked about. even though is a crucial part of our personal and societal evolution. failure is an invitation to pause and change perspectives. why it’s not working, what can be adjusted and redirected and how all of that feels in the first place. when failing is just part of the process it also means that “it’s not that deep” and “not every day has to be a slay”. you’re not failing as a human being which takes off a lot of the shame, guilt and in the end pressure - it makes failure even a fun thing. while failing is portrayed as regression it’s part of the forward movement. why not embracing failure then? fail fast and fail often because this is how you’ll find out what doesn’t work and what does faster. speaking of pace in personal style, everyone is on their own journey and some people need 5 attempts while others need 25. i said it before but: personal style is an alive organism and not something you “get right” once and the you’re done forever. so let’s fail safely:
permission to experiment: try on the “wrong” thing, wear the colour that “isn’t you” and play with silhouettes you’ve never dared. make it your mission to fail to find out what feels home. style isn’t science - it’s a playground!
don’t outsource your style: let pinterest, magazines and social media be inspiration and not dictation. you’re not imitating someone else you want to express yourself
attention to how it feels: the mirror might say yes but your body tells you something is off - listen to your body. your intuition is your compass. follow the clues of excitement!
pause between sets: try out a new outfit out in the world and then reflect. don’t keep shopping / pinning more ideas, give yourself time to notice! the neutral time is where clarity thrives.
embrace the flops: every “what was i thinking” outfit is a breadcrumb on the path to your personal style. that is not wasted effort but data for your evolution. it’s a moment to honour your courage and not a moment to cringe.
fear is 10 times worse than failure, i promise. and because i would love this as a reader, here are some outfits where i happily, successfully and greatly failed for various reasons:
pleats turned out to be a no for me as well as very see-through knitwear (love it over a t-shirt tho). i still own the white denim as well as the top and have worn both but together it’s just boring. that kind of yellow isn’t my thing but still love the vibe. red and glitter feels tacky now but felt hot then. these tights are just another reminder for me that pattern distracts me - felt confused. and i look at lea-2023 and 2024 and instead of cringing i’m proud of her. proud that she tried, expressed and was brave - i admire her courage in going out like this. i don’t allow judgement within me about the past because it would neglect my journey. in shifting from judgement to curious observation, i allow myself to be all of my past versions and more. more than these six looks, more than 8 instead of 10 reps of the squat, more than my personal style. as much as i love my (life)style and am intentional with it, it really doesn’t define me who i am as a person: it expresses who i say i am - so, it’s in me not on me. so it is within you.
bisous
lea