the (un)knowing

forgetting your personal style

dear soul,

with writing these entries i understood once more how my brain works and which dots i am able to connect even without realizing it. so here we are, talking about the sci-fi thriller from 2009 this entry is named after and the important duality of knowing and not-knowing your personal style. bear with me - i swear i came up with the title and only then remembered that it’s also the name of that movie. i don’t even remember whether or not i’ve seen it. but i read the plot for you and it’s basically about a man who discovers some papers that include catastrophic prophecies. and because he was confronted with nothing but deaf ears he linked up with a woman and a kid with certain gifts to predict future outcomes. the ending of this movie is a hint to ancient alien theory and the realization that in order to create a new civilization we have to find new ways to evolve as such.

and if that sounds to voo voo for you and before we even talk about personal style i want talk about the metamorphosis in nature (which in my head absolutely makes sense, duh) in particular the process of how a caterpillar cocoons, grows, evolves, is birthed, learns and then becomes the butterfly. there is so much change involved, obviously visually, but also energetically or emotionally. the caterpillar has to find so much courage, faith, trust and commitment to be even able to go on that journey. it takes so much work and surrender to become who that caterpillar is meant to be. and the biggest part of the work of the caterpillar is to return from the world back into it’s cocoon, then reducing itself, liquifying itself within the cocoon, become nothing and at the same time become everything - it’s very essence and understanding of what it’s purpose is - to then be reborn into the version it was always meant to be, into the version that DNA it always contained. the scientific succession of this sounds simple yet it’s not an easy thing to do (i suppose, from my human perspective being subject to the same life cycles with maybe not more awareness but the ability to write about it)

let’s imagine the caterpillar and butterfly have a conscious that works similar to our brain. so the caterpillar went from light to the darkness of the cocoon, befriended the darkness even just to be thrown into light again. then after the rebirth the butterfly has to forget that it was the caterpillar. again, it has to find even more courage, faith, trust and commitment to go and live. that is SO MUCH work and surrender and creating harmony in the process. honestly, i’m exhausted from only writing that and associating myself pretty much with that procedure but it’s not my therapy session here. anyway, i have so much grace for the butterfly and it’s delicate beauty, so much respect for the bravery, so much admiration - thank god, i also associate that part with myself.

and that whole metamorphosis happens every. single. spring. season. for us humans energetically, too (actually every day and with every decision; but no pressure, lol)

and fashion or personal style is only one way to express this process.

it’s through forgetting parts of who we were that we create the new version of us, the new reality, the evolved version of our personal style. it’s the same with our skin - the daily small deaths of cells that fall off to reveal the new layer. it’s the same with our mindset - the daily small deaths of viewing a certain situation the one way or the other. it’s the same with our choices - the daily small deaths of the clothes we leave in our wardrobe to wear the pieces that represent us that particular day.

and it’s in that very moment of decision that differentiates the vicious cycle from the upwards spiral. vicious cycles are a concept created to disempower and keep you small and returning or staying in those cycles is not even an actual option if you ask me, at least for the caterpillar. we and the world around us are always changing and the attempt to stop that change is the only vicious part in those cycles. this attempt is human entitlement to say “i told you so” it’s human entitlement to say “see, i’m not meant to feel this loved, i’m not meant to feel this wanted, i’m not meant to feel this great, i’m not meant to express my greatness” whereas change is always and without exception for a greater good and that’s certainly not your and my decision to make. to see it that way, all you actually have to do is finding the same courage, faith, trust and commitment like the caterpillar, to believe there is a new reality available for you. that on the other side of the cocoon blessings and life awaits. clothes are the layer that can support and foster those feelings. simultaneously, clothes are the layer that also express your new version whenever you choose to implement and integrate said courage, faith, trust and commitment.

the foundation of all of this is love. that energy not only created the caterpillar, not only the tissue of the cocoon, not only the butterfly, not only the design and fabrics turned into clothes, it also created you. and you’re worthy of that love because you are that love inherently. you’re created to create, your personal style is an expression of that. and it’s so human to forget about that evolution through and with love sometimes. if i truly believe in what i wrote in this entry, it’s even necessary to forget who you are sometimes. personal style is the information in the caterpillar-you that already knows your destined higher self and helps you embodying it. it knows before you even arrive. and it’s simply your decision to allow yourself to feel arbitrary enough to surrender to the inevitable transformation. remember your position in the evolution and create harmony in staying authentic and adaptable simultaneously. your personal style may serve the purpose of evolution so you can immerse, indulge, inspire and innovate your experience of life and environment through your love that shines through your personal style until the spiral spirals again

circle back soon,

lea